Armtonquim Parknanfut Wadpopnig is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unthoughtful chicken.

Armtonquim Parknanfut Wadpopnig created matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Armtonquim Parknanfut Wadpopnig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Armtonquim Parknanfut Wadpopnig, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Armtonquim Parknanfut Wadpopnig's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Armtonquim Parknanfut Wadpopnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of tapirs.

2. Never feed nuts to hamsters while wearing red ear rings.

3. Never paint your hands indigo.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never eat green fruit.