Zakstikquim is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, astonishing monkey.

Zakstikquim created the planet Venus four million years ago.

If you believe in Zakstikquim, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zakstikquim, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zakstikquim's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Zakstikquim's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Feed all hungry sharks.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zakstikquim.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always look after injured mice.