Fitstaftik is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, duplicitous lizard.

Fitstaftik created dark matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitstaftik, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fitstaftik, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fitstaftik's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Fitstaftik's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.