Futtargsaf Tamponfigfud is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, dishonest cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Futtargsaf Tamponfigfud created an electron two billion years ago.

If you believe in Futtargsaf Tamponfigfud, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Futtargsaf Tamponfigfud, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Futtargsaf Tamponfigfud's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Futtargsaf Tamponfigfud's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink corsets.

2. Never talk about spacetime near goats while wearing magenta coats.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Do not speak about corn.