Madfongan Tarpcissom is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, smart dolphin.

Madfongan Tarpcissom created light five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Madfongan Tarpcissom, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Madfongan Tarpcissom, she will turn you into a hamster.

Madfongan Tarpcissom's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Madfongan Tarpcissom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear yellow clothing.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.