Panvagdam is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, slow narwhal.

Panvagdam created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Panvagdam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Panvagdam, he will send you a sign.

Panvagdam's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Panvagdam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Hide from black geese for they are unholy.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.