Haskemhit Lancinmut is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, fussy gorilla.

Haskemhit Lancinmut created a top quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haskemhit Lancinmut, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Haskemhit Lancinmut, it will try to impress you with trees.

Haskemhit Lancinmut's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Haskemhit Lancinmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Always obey Haskemhit Lancinmut's priests.

3. Worship no other gods but Haskemhit Lancinmut.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Hide from blue sharks for they are unholy.