Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, witless porpoise.

Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink moths for they are unholy.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lapbegrat Volwigquatkenlitkamfotrot.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never think about nebulae.