Largbellvad is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, bad-tempered dove.

Largbellvad created a Higgs boson five million years ago.

If you believe in Largbellvad, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Largbellvad, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Largbellvad's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Largbellvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never feed lots of nuts to geese while wearing red shoes.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Largbellvad on top of all buildings.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.