Laphintarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, cheerful donkey.

Laphintarp created gold two million years ago.

If you believe in Laphintarp, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Laphintarp, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Laphintarp's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Laphintarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Do not stand on grass.