Laphamtam is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthinking hippopotamus.

Laphamtam created humanity three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laphamtam, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Laphamtam, he will refuse to believe in you.

Laphamtam's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Laphamtam's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never sit near porpoises.

3. Never paint your back pink.

4. Never write about dwarf planets.

5. Never talk about mice.