Hamjigfud is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, overgenerous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hamjigfud created the planet Mars eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamjigfud, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hamjigfud, he will make you grow a tail.

Hamjigfud's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Hamjigfud's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hamjigfud.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hamjigfud.

4. Always treat badgers with great respect.

5. Never think about optics.