Gepquampad is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, selfish rhinoceros.

Gepquampad created an up quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepquampad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gepquampad, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Gepquampad's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Gepquampad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to turtles while wearing orange ear rings.

2. Hide if six geese approach from the west.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

5. Always obey Gepquampad's priests.