Kik is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, selfish newt.

Kik created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kik, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kik, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Kik's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Kik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat lentils.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not keep five cats in a large pit.