Ripjin is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, loving hamster.

Ripjin created the Large Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripjin, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Ripjin, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Ripjin's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Ripjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of snakes.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Never feed oranges to bats while wearing magenta ear rings.

5. Always wear green.