Poddonmum is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, bad-tempered goat.

Poddonmum created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Poddonmum, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Poddonmum, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Poddonmum's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Poddonmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

2. Always look after injured great tits.

3. Poddonmum must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always help capybaras in need.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.