Zak is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, calm salamander.

Zak created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zak, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zak, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Zak's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zak's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Zak's priests.

2. Never feed lots of grapes to whales while wearing brown shorts.

3. Always help goats in need.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.