Vedkappang is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, omniscient turtle.

Vedkappang created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vedkappang, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vedkappang, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Vedkappang's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vedkappang's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Vedkappang.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

5. Do not listen to music.