Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, idiotic troll.

Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut, it will destroy your home planet.

Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Erect a giant black sculpture of Toncumhin Tonkbissliktap Flanhudcut in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

5. Never hurt sharks.