Lab Funcepmit is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, competent beaver.

Lab Funcepmit created life two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lab Funcepmit, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lab Funcepmit, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lab Funcepmit's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Lab Funcepmit's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

4. Always wear pink.

5. Do not take Lab Funcepmit's name in vain.