Nelartsasfem is a god.

He takes the form of a large, staggering wyrm.

Nelartsasfem created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelartsasfem, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nelartsasfem, he will turn you into a hamster.

Nelartsasfem's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Nelartsasfem's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from gray mice for they are unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Nelartsasfem.

3. Never talk about monkeys.

4. Erect nine platinum sculptures of Nelartsasfem on top of important buildings.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.