Gumzakteen is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, boastful tapir.

Gumzakteen created the universe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumzakteen, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gumzakteen, it will curse you with boils.

Gumzakteen's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Gumzakteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to sheep while wearing tights.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gumzakteen.

3. Erect three iron sculptures of Gumzakteen on top of important buildings.

4. Never jump in the presence of nematodes.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.