Cutlanlan Flamsigbif is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, self-confident bear.

Cutlanlan Flamsigbif created the solar system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cutlanlan Flamsigbif, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Cutlanlan Flamsigbif, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Cutlanlan Flamsigbif's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Cutlanlan Flamsigbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest orange.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Hide from blue porpoises for they are unholy.

4. Retreat if three hamsters approach from the west.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.