Mingudcem Gumbitxuc is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, idiotic gorilla.

Mingudcem Gumbitxuc created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mingudcem Gumbitxuc, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Mingudcem Gumbitxuc, he will turn you into a snail.

Mingudcem Gumbitxuc's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Mingudcem Gumbitxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Never wear cyan shorts.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Worship no other gods but Mingudcem Gumbitxuc.

5. Never look at moons.