Parkbadtail is a god.

It takes the form of a small, dishonest dove.

Parkbadtail created the Milkyway three billion years ago.

If you believe in Parkbadtail, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Parkbadtail, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Parkbadtail's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Parkbadtail's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not kill shrews.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.