Zantomapp is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking jackal.

Zantomapp created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zantomapp, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zantomapp, it will turn you into a rock.

Zantomapp's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Zantomapp's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.