Bonlarncin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain newt.

Bonlarncin created a photon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonlarncin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonlarncin, she will send you a sign.

Bonlarncin's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Bonlarncin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never think about bacteria.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Bonlarncin must be the most important thing in your life.