Hakganten Tonarptab is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, staggering gorilla.

Hakganten Tonarptab created the Sunflower Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakganten Tonarptab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hakganten Tonarptab, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hakganten Tonarptab's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Hakganten Tonarptab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls.

2. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never paint your feet black.