Hogtonkhin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, unthinking human.

Hogtonkhin created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogtonkhin, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hogtonkhin, it will turn you into a slug.

Hogtonkhin's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Hogtonkhin's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into fawn rooms.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hogtonkhin.

3. Hogtonkhin loves rats, so they must be honoured.

4. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Hogtonkhin on top of important buildings.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.