Tiglatbed is a god.

He takes the form of a large, strong walrus.

Tiglatbed created the cosmos two million years ago.

If you believe in Tiglatbed, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tiglatbed, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Tiglatbed's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Tiglatbed's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

2. Tiglatbed loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Retreat if seven great tits approach from the north.