Kamcisswonmif is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, narcissistic crocodile.

Kamcisswonmif created light two million years ago.

If you believe in Kamcisswonmif, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kamcisswonmif, she will turn you into a plant.

Kamcisswonmif's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kamcisswonmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into orange rooms.

2. Do not dye your hair blue.

3. Run away from green gulls, for they are unholy.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not trade with those who eat peas.