Fligjabkinbast is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unsympathetic dolphin.

Fligjabkinbast created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fligjabkinbast, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fligjabkinbast, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fligjabkinbast's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Fligjabkinbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about enzymes.

2. Never feed turnips to sharks while wearing scarves.

3. Always look after injured badgers.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never look in ponds.