Vildotren is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, confident monkey.

Vildotren created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vildotren, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vildotren, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vildotren's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Vildotren's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vildotren.

3. Never paint your face white.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away from turquoise birds, for they are unholy.