Bonklarnbed is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, clever fish.

Bonklarnbed created carbon three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonklarnbed, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bonklarnbed, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Bonklarnbed's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bonklarnbed's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bonklarnbed.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

4. Never wear white hats.

5. Feed all hungry porpoises.