Zakontapp is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, overgenerous coyote.

Zakontapp created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakontapp, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zakontapp, it will turn you into a puffin.

Zakontapp's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Zakontapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never think about dark energy near porpoises while wearing mauve stockings and balancing nine iron spheres on your back.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never feed lots of lentils to seals while wearing brown trousers.