Lopbiddumshavpan is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, prudent mole.

Lopbiddumshavpan created a strange quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lopbiddumshavpan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lopbiddumshavpan, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lopbiddumshavpan's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Lopbiddumshavpan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

3. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

4. Never hurt tapirs.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.