Nartfenhap is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, deceitful jaguar.

Nartfenhap created humankind four years ago.

If you believe in Nartfenhap, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nartfenhap, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nartfenhap's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Nartfenhap's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.