Jatcadlim is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, uncaring troll.

Jatcadlim created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatcadlim, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jatcadlim, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Jatcadlim's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Jatcadlim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Put Jatcadlim first in all things.

3. Erect a giant red sculpture of Jatcadlim in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not cook food in pots.