Tipmet is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, selfish parrot.

Tipmet created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tipmet, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tipmet, he will turn you into a duck.

Tipmet's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tipmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near whales while wearing indigo rings and balancing nine copper spheres on your arms.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always obey Tipmet's priests.