Matcangud is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, charitable ant.

Matcangud created the planet Saturn seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matcangud, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Matcangud, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Matcangud's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Matcangud's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Matcangud.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not keep five grasshopers in a large pit.

5. Never talk about spacetime near manatees while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing six gold spheres on your head.