Rilbadtomarm is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, duplicitous hedgehog.

Rilbadtomarm created the planet Venus eight million years ago.

If you believe in Rilbadtomarm, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rilbadtomarm, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Rilbadtomarm's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Rilbadtomarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Retreat if seven tapirs approach from the south.

5. Ducks are not to be trusted.