Hakwapvil Targlograg is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, humane crocodile.

Hakwapvil Targlograg created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakwapvil Targlograg, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hakwapvil Targlograg, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Hakwapvil Targlograg's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Hakwapvil Targlograg's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry ducks.

2. You must pray to Hakwapvil Targlograg seven times a day.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Hakwapvil Targlograg loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not covet oxen.