Kanfemvolnurl is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, humorless rhinoceros.

Kanfemvolnurl created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanfemvolnurl, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kanfemvolnurl, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Kanfemvolnurl's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Kanfemvolnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Kanfemvolnurl.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity.

3. Always help sick sheep.

4. Never wear dresses.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.