Laktonkwap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, passionate hedgehog.

Laktonkwap created the Virgo Supercluster two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laktonkwap, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Laktonkwap, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Laktonkwap's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Laktonkwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Otters are not to be trusted.

3. Never wear shorts.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.