Guplooptit Minjonhom is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, unselfish turtle.

Guplooptit Minjonhom created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Guplooptit Minjonhom, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Guplooptit Minjonhom, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Guplooptit Minjonhom's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Guplooptit Minjonhom's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Moths are not to be trusted.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.