Figvinarf is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, cheerful fish.

Figvinarf created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Figvinarf, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Figvinarf, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Figvinarf's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Figvinarf's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Figvinarf.

2. Never paint your arms red.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Respect your elders.