Larnpogwad is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, charitable aardvark.

Larnpogwad created the universe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Larnpogwad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Larnpogwad, he will be very sad.

Larnpogwad's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Larnpogwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Larnpogwad on top of all buildings.

5. Always look after injured swans.