Sakhapquag is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, staggering bear.

Sakhapquag created the planet Earth eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sakhapquag, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sakhapquag, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Sakhapquag's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Sakhapquag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick rats.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near moths while wearing blue hats and balancing three aluminium spheres on your back.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sakhapquag.