Bessbatmap is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-knowing bird.

Bessbatmap created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bessbatmap, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bessbatmap, she will turn you into a hamster.

Bessbatmap's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bessbatmap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue hamsters for they are unholy.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not hurt mice.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bessbatmap.

5. Bessbatmap must be the most important thing in your life.