Flapfatxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fussy raccoon.

Flapfatxuc created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapfatxuc, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flapfatxuc, she will remove you from existence.

Flapfatxuc's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Flapfatxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always obey Flapfatxuc's priests.

4. Dogs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Flapfatxuc must be the most important thing in your life.